After yesterday's blog my husband called to say he liked it. He went to public schools, too, feels like it is a huge part of who he is, and is committed to improving public schools and letting our children have that experience. It is a view we share strongly.
At least it was until yesterday. After his morning's compliments, he came home and as we brushed our teeth he blurted out: I think we may need to think about sending our children to private school for high school. In today's world those who truly succeed go to private high school.
I was so insulted--it was the exact opposite of my point in my blog, and yet I, my life, and my thoughts, had convinced him that private school for high school is the way to go.
Look, he pointed out, the most amazing people in today's society went to private schools. We analyzed friends and famous people. And we know some really amazing people. But from the Obama administration on down, he insisted that those who have really done spectacular things--from creative to cultural to political--all went to private school. His argument is that private schools teach you to shoot for the stars. To believe you are entitled and brilliant. To think in high school (not when you graduate from college, like us) that you could change the world and what IS it that you want to be? A president? A Pulitzer Prize winner? A Hedge Fund manager? A playwright?
I do agree with this--no one at my high school paid much attention to the smart kids. We did our thing. The teachers were good. The guidance counselors would say things like: You are fine. You will get in wherever you want to go. I have other students I really need to worry about. Session over.
But I also think the compassion and view of the world gave me an outlook that gave me more passion and direction than those who attended elite private high schools. But maybe I just need to tell myself that to justify my life. I don't say that about my elite private college...
Barack Obama, Timothy Geithner, Sonia Sotomayor--all of them went to private school he argues. His argument is that after the Clinton generation things changed. I don't know. I have brilliant friends from both private and public high schools. Can it really have such a profound influence on your life? Is that the kind of society we have become?
What do you think? Do elite private high schools give you a better shot at success in life? Why?
December 10
8 years ago
4 comments:
What about the success stories from the other end of the spectrum? Broken homes, abuse, poverty. Those too teach you to shoot for the stars - nothing to lose, nowhere to run home to, no-one to fall back on... not great though! If you have the money for private education to spend on your children, think of all you could show them and do with them!
I bet if you asked anyone of those "successful" people who taught them to reach for the stars, they will say it was a parent, grandparent, sibling, neighbor, and yes, maybe even a teacher. But, I was a townie in a gownie place and what I saw at the fancy private school on the hill was either entitlement and laziness or pressures too great to bear. Both seemed to result in a lot of drugs being done. I passed when my parents offered to send me. Granted, I'm not the President of the United States. So, maybe that shoots my argument right to hell... :)
My suggestion is to talk to some parents of recent grads from places like Harvard Westlake. Did their kids find themselves? Did they actually have a childhood to explore different things? Or were they doing homework at 4am and then again until 9pm, watching kids on their campus get arrested not for selling a few joints, but TRUNKS filled with heroine, or fellow students jumping out of windows on the Wilshire Corridor because of the stress. Some might even tell you that their kids still didn't get into Harvard even though it's supposedly a "feeder school" because the admin picks their own they push forward. I'm not saying that certain private schools in this city aren't good or special or will push for achievement without torturing your kids, no matter what route you choose, know YOUR kids will reach for the stars because of who YOU are and the influences you hold over them. You have a loving, informed, dynamic, artistic, inquisitive HOME. Your kids will be successful no matter where they take the school bus to each morning!
I just read through your recent blogs. I think I am of the mind that ideally we look at all the options that are available and accessible, and from those schools make the best choice for our children. You clearly had such a remarkable and truly diverse high school-- I do not know how common that is. I went to public high school and realized only when I went to college that I had been treading water a bit for four years and had a tremendous amount of catching up to do to think and write critically. I did, fast, but still as an adult I know that I could have had a much richer experience. Having the odd experience of seeing children through private school without having that experience myself, I kind of approach it that I am responsible for ensuring that they are balanced, thoughtful, caring individuals, and that I am glad they go to a school where they are nurtured and challenged. I think that is what we all look for-- whether it is through private or charter or landing in the right zip code.
you ALL have given me SUCH wise and heartfelt comments here. i am extraordinarily grateful. for now i am taking it one year at a time--i just want to do my very best for my children. to hear these thoughts from such wise--and successful women--means more than you know. thank you!
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