Sick Day

I feel like a dog. My chest his heavy, my cough is bad, my head hurts and my ears ache. Oh, yeah, and I have a sore throat so bad I take aspirin so I can swallow. I have been in a holding pattern, hoping it will go away. It hasn't.

In an hour I go to the doctor.

I am so American. I want the doc to just say, "Take this pill and you will feel like a million bucks. In an hour."

I hiked a mountain with J to talk about our future. It was a hard talk, with lots of issues and no resolutions, for now. He was great. But mid-life in a recession is scary. Lots of opportunities. Lots of room for fear.

I am so strong due to my marathon training that I motored up the mountain like a billy goat, and my super perceptive husband couldn't even detect my illness. He still doubts. He is slightly incredulous. It is like a strange disconnect-of a sort we rarely have.

Couldn't he see I didn't want to jump in the water (I always do!) Couldn't he feel that I was waaay better at listening and a little blue? (Maybe I am always like that!) Didn't he notice that I did not lead him up the hardest path to the top, but only went that way after he suggested it (usually I do not even ask).

I burned dinner because I was so busy trying to self-diagnose. The house smells like charred broccoli.

I went for a massage on Tuesday and my sports-massage woman scared me. She said if I do not get better and take care of my illness I am stressing my body so much with marathon training that my cough, etc., could drag out for months. I had not thought of this as being related to/bearing upon my training. I don't want to drop out because of my undiagnosed illness.

She recommended an acupuncture tune-up. My husband diplomatically did not comment.

What to do, what do to?

Doctor first. Then decisions.