Fatigue

This weekend I run 20 miles.

I am already nervous.

For the first time I wish I had a partner, a best friend, a coach, a companion. Anyone!!!

I have no idea what I am doing.

Because I have been running alone, with the exception of my chance meeting with Gonzalo, and a video, book and pacing metronome about ChiRunning from my bionic Aunt and Uncle, creators of the Ironman, I feel at sea.

I have not gotten injured, a victory in and of itself. And I no longer get sick--now that I rinse my nostrils with a neti pot post-run per the instructions of a G.P. who recommended it to get all the LA toxins out of my nose. I have run farther than I ever have in my life--lots of times.

But I am getting sooooo tired. I am getting tired like some one injected me with a sleeping pill on slow release. I am getting tired like all I can do when I wake up is think about when I get to go to sleep again. I am weary. Not my body. It is strong. But way down inside, in my bone marrow, I am so tired.

It is fatigue. Last week I texted while running--my friend who ran the New York Marathon in October. "Did you get tired near the end of training? " I asked.

Tired FROM running or tired OF running?" he texted back. For him boredom set in, but no fatigue. I have been running the hills in perfect spring weather and doing different trails so I am OK on boredom frong, but my GOD, what to do?

Yesterday I panicked. I pulled out multi-vitamins, fish pills, B-12 in droplet form, all of it. I loaded every pill and tablet into my body. I think I am eating well, but maybe I need to eat even better. It is not that I am losing weight. I am the same. Just stronger.

The author of Born to Run, a journalist turned ultra-runner (not me) said he started getting so tired training for an ultra-marathon his doc told him to start eating salads for breakfast. Huge piles of kale and chard and spinach. I just don't think I can do it...

If I can get through this weekend's long run I am home free. And I guess I should experiment with eating Gu, or Power Bars, or nuts, or something. I do not run with a belt of water bottles, or stash little packets of carbohydrate rocket fuel along my route while I run. But perhaps I need to.

W.W. G.D.? (What would Gonzalo do?)

If you have a secret energy source for a depleted running mama, please post here!