Why I Write

The real reason for this blog--though I have never mentioned it here, is to promote, give thought to, and go off on tangents about my book. I am writing a book. It has been my secret project for more than a year. My baby, my fantasy, the thing I have to do. I am calling it "The Mommy Dilemma: 100 True Tales of Motherhood." It is an oral history of twenty first century mothers, done in the style of Studs Terkel (a guerilla with a tape recorder) and his modern-day equivalent, the super-cool Po Bronson. This book is born of passion. It is the book I wanted when I was working, when I felt trapped between wanting to work as hard at my career as I had before, and wanting to spend time with my boys, who I felt were a gift to me from God. I felt there were two options: work full-time with a nanny (or child care) or stay at home (BOOOOOORING!) I felt I was neither. I was inspired by the women of my co-op. They were so creative, so comfortable without lots of money, most of them making the decision to live in smaller houses, with a LOT less money, so that at least one parent could be with the child. But they were also an incredibly creative group of people, who live outside the structure of corporate America, and all that that entails--good and bad.
And so I set out to find women. I have interviewed 30 so far. There are laid back stay at home mothers. military wives who home school their kids, and hedge fund managers who are the man of the family.
The women I have met are so amazing.
This project is my therapy, and my deprogramming from journalism. It is a chance to give back to the world, to do my own research, to uncover my own trends, to take time with interviews and not take a stand just to be controversial or provoke for more hits on the web site. Through my interviews I am uncovering trends I never read in newspapers, see on TV, or see reflected in popular culture. I am also gaining strength from talking to these women, hearing their stories, and seeing how many different ways there are to do this. From time to time I will talk about one of the amazing women I have interviewed, and why they made me laugh, or cry, or feel like dancing.
But today there was a story in the NY Times that I want to talk about. According to a new census bureau report 20% of women between 40 and 44 don't have children. That is double the percentage of 30 years ago. Women are having children later, and women with more education have the least children. These are the women I am talking to. I read the stats--and they present itas more and more women are choosing not to have children. But I do wonder. I think more women do choose not to have children--and this is a good thing. It means women have other ways to value themselves. It is not all women can do. On the other hand, I wonder if some of that 20% wish they were having children, but can't because men take so long to decide they want to settle down that by the time they get married women have about a one minute time window to get pregnant. And by them they are at a point in their careers where they are really taking off.
I don't know how to read census numbers. But they are fascinating. I wish I could talk to some of those women. Maybe I need to include a chapter on women who chose NOT to have children, in my book about the mommy dilemma. Because, when you are a kick-ass professional woman who has worked like a dog to get respect and a good salary the decision to have a child or not really IS a dilemma. Maybe the biggest dilemma of all, if you really think hard about it. Which most of us don't even dare to do until we have that baby in our arms.