Gender Confusion

I had just been talking to a mother who is writing a book/memoir about boys who love to wear dresses, but ARE NOT gay, when I talked to my father. He asked what Theo and Benji were going to be for Halloween. I said Theo was going to be a ghost, Benji a witch. Benji chose the witch because one of his favorite books is Room On The Broom, about a witch with ginger hair--just like him! Also, witches are pretty cool. My father was horrified. Hilary! he said. Watch out. That could lead to serious gender confusion! These are very important years. I was so insulted! But also fascinated by his fears. He has not even seen my boy enough to know what his natural predispositions are--whether he likes dolls or balls. But even stranger was this: I know he would not mind if Ruth (his granddaughter) were climbing trees or wearing overalls or pretending to be a race car driver, or dressing up as bob the builder for Halloween. And he himself loves so many things that are "gay" in our culture--including gay men! He loves art, he loves food, he loves music and opera. He loves male choruses and men in uniform. When he meets my friends he is always drawn to the gay men. Now our culture leaves so little room for men. I do not believe that a love of fabric, music, art or food should mean you are gay, or almost gay. But our culture is so scared of homosexuality that we live in a world that any man who is not dressed in khakis and jeans, can speak eloquently about sports and confesses to a love of porn is not a red-blooded American male. And yet, we have no fears in the opposite direction. Girls are encouraged to be more like boys. Tomboys have a special place in our hearts, in our children's fiction. Probably, because historically, for a girl to want to be more like a boy meant to aim for more, to want more, to be bolder, smarter and more full of dreams and moxy. For a boy to want to be like a girl meant to want to be less smart, have less power, to cry and be weak. But that is not the world we live in any more. Little girls know that. A friend's daughter told him (the dad) that she thought being a boy was boring. Girls could be anything; they could be cowboys,astronauts, princesses or mermaids. Boys could only be some things. She got it. Why don't men?
Benji was a witch, with a pointed, black, velvet hat and a sparkly cape. He carried a cauldron and a broom. Beneath his costume he wore a Johnny Cash shirt, blue shorts and little boy sneakers. He was a great witch. And he didn't seem confused about his gender at all.