Fulfillment

A dear friend's lover yesterday made me think a lot about fulfillment. He is French Canadian--super smart, happy go lucky--but never stupid. Probably better read, more informed, more tech savvy and more in love with life than 95% of the people he will meet ever. That is just who he is. He is wonderful.

He is grounded. He knows what he cares about. He does not seem confused. It is not that his life is perfect, or that he does not have things he secretly and not so secretly longs for. But he seems clear on what he wants and what matters to him. He does not waver.

I thought about him a lot. And I began to wonder. Does America cultivate dissatisfaction? Yes, I know we cultivate dissatisfaction of products. You always need better cars, better houses, better appliances, better books, better yoga. But this culture of commodification goes so deep, penetrates so far into our psyches I think we do not even realize. Of course, yes, it begins to apply to people. Tired of your old wife? Your old kids? Your old friends? Trade them in for a newer model. Try again. (More true for men than women). Hate your life? Move somewhere new and start again.

But this feeling of constantly upgrading, it does start to affect you. And my friends are not so materialistic. They would I am sure argue against all of these ideas. But does it still get to us? Even the idea of what success is, what a fulfilled life is--it is affected by this deep dissatisfaction. Could we be MORE successful? Could our store be bigger? Our ambitions larger? Whatever you do, whatever you want, you could always have more.

It also means you never feel like you are enough.

I am too stuck in my provincial L.A. world to claim any larger wisdom at this point. I know humans are by nature restless, dissatisfied, looking for something more. This is part of being human. And then religion, politics, philosophy all try to address or tap into these impulses.

But as I watched my friend's lover I did think: he does not feel dissatisfied. I know he has dreams, and wants more. But his core feels stable, and satisfied. In our culture having children raises the question: can you have children and still be fulfilled? Do what you want to do? To him (he does not have children, so this may be an idealistic hypothetical) children ARE a fulfillment. Not something that gets in the way, but something that is an end in itself. I believe this--but this is not reflected back to me in life, or society.

Do you think capitalism cultivates dissatisfaction on a spiritual level? Tell me what you think.

Can you walk through this world and hold your own against it?