Digging to Freedom

I hate bills. I hate paying them. I hate opening the envelopes. I hate writing checks. I hate it all.

I practice extreme avoidance and have probably payed enough money in overdue fees in my life to buy a small cottage on the water along the Central Coast of California.

My exceedingly conscientious husband with a five star credit rating has helped me. I am in charge of paying bills now, that is part of the marital duty division of labor. I can't screw up my family's credit rating and bankrupt us with overdue fees, even if I felt fine doing it to myself.

I am better. But I still hate it.

The pile of junk mail and bills grows in a pile by the door and I skirt it. I literally won't touch it, until I know that if I do not dive in we will be in trouble. I have tried to trick myself. I bought a very pretty tray to stack the ugly bills and make them less intimidating, even decorative. I have picked evenings I will do the bills. I promise myself I can watch some really trashy television after I complete them. Still, I just want to run.

Today was the day. I had moved this unpleasant task from one day to the next all week.

So I sat down, put on great uplifting music, filled my coffee cup with my favorite and best espresso, and began ripping and tearing and filing and paying.

It wasn't even that bad.

Now I am done, and Oh My Goodness Me I feel free.

To do is always better than to avoid.

I know this. But I must battle tens of generations of procrastinators in my genes to overcome my need, my desire, my compulsion to NOT DEAL.

But it is done. And now my desk is clean, my head is clear, and I am ready to be productive.

If only I could remember this feeling so I did not get mired in it every two weeks.

Any advice from my organized, motivated, clutterbusting friends? How can I break this dreadful cycle?