Mommy Brain Overload

For four years I have focused on my children, my husband, my home. My life has had tight parameters, and while I was busy, sometimes overwhelmed, I was also completely independent. Mostly, my life was quiet, my stage small.

Now I am getting back out there. I am taking a class, meeting with people I want to hire me, doing work that is new, not natural to me, and a total challenge, trying to convince people they should pay me to write for them, and doing all the research that leads up to that, and reporting on a story that I care deeply about and requires me to get emotionally involved to be a success. All at once.

As a result my brain is on fire. Part of this is great. It feels wonderful to be jumping in, getting out there, remembering what I can do. But partially I feel overstimulated. My neurons are firing so fast I can barely keep up. This is fun. But I lay my head down at night and my synapses are still firing so fast and furious I can't get them to stop. I am tired, but I cannot turn off my brain. I lay in bed until midnight or beyond unable to calm myself.

Not even exercise or meditation can slow down my racing mind.

After such a quiet life it is like being on speed. I like it, but I can see I also need to get my brain accustomed to a certain level of stress, excitement, new information.

I love being a mother. I believe being a mother brings unbelievable power and skill to whatever you do afterward. I do not believe your brain atrophies as a mother. I do, however, believe that you get used to a quiet life. Revving myself back up the speed of 21st century life is hard.

I know that in a couple of weeks my emotions will calm down. But for now, what a strange sensation this is. Welcome, yes. But also intense.

If any of you working mothers out there have any brilliant advice (particularly those of you who have stopped working for awhile completely, then dived back in) please please please pass it along.