Committed

I am a commitment phobe. Whether it is a playdate or a professional endeavor. I am not a commitment phobe for all the ordinary reasons. I am not waiting to see if something better comes along. I am not leaving my options open.

In my case it is about declaring your intention publicly, and then a fear of public failure.

I KNOW that a public commitment itself makes your chances of success greater. And yet, I would rather work quietly, silently, appear out of nowhere, and if it works I will be totally open--Hey, I poured my heart and soul into this and it is all I cared about. It is not like this was effortless. I am not a liar. I do not pretend whatever it was was not hard.

But failure. THAT is hard for me. If I might fail, I would rather silently undertake, and silently fail. If I do, I will silently retreat and silently lick my wounds and no one will ever know and life will go on.

But commitment is important. To me, and to all around me. And in most things, it is the commitment that gets you over the hump. Because 99% of most endeavors is fear.

Practically speaking, I Knew that any day the marathon could sell out. There is no final countdown when it gets close. It is just done. No more spaces.

So I signed up for the marathon. Officially!!!! No refunds. No transfers. I am in.

I was going to wait until I finished this weekend's run, a 15 miler, which scares the bejesus out of me. Thirteen made me sick. Or I got sick. And I have a strange superstition around these distances, because I injured myself last time around 14. I guess I wonder if my body is just not designed to farther than 13. It falls apart here. But is anyone's body designed to go farther?

I took a week off. I am better. I pulled back. I modified. I went off the schedule. And I still think I can do it.

I committed.

EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

Are you scared to commit? What makes YOU scared?

Spill it HERE!